Sunday, February 27, 2011

This Week With Christiane Amanpour in 90 Seconds [Biff Spackle]

[Rush transcript by Biff Spackle - further edits may be forthcoming]

AMANPOUR: This morning, we'll take you on a journey into Libya to visit my close personal friend Colonel Gaddafi and interview his two sons. What do they think of my new haircut? My weathered looking L.L. Bean journalist's vest? And my Estee Lauder makeup, guaranteed to hold up for 24 hours, even during an Islamist uprising?

Closer to home, we'll also visit with Governor Scott Walker, whose controversial strategy of making state employees chip in to their pension plans has touched off rallies nationwide, including some by President Obama's elite Praetorian Guard.

Back to Libya: after weeks of silence President Obama finally asked Colonel Gaddafi to step down saying that it was "in the best interest of my poll numbers." Saif Gaddafi, what do you think of that?

SAIF GADDAFI: Yes, I saw it on TV. I think the show was called Welcome Back, Carter. Let me try and describe how little we care what President Training Wheels has to say: put it this way, I watch Celebrity Rehab with a lot more interest. As for the accusations of violence: show me one person who has complained about being killed! Just one!

AMANPOUR: In the past, you've been described as a reformist tyrant, one open to new ideas of mass-murder and killing. What went wrong?

SAIF GADDAFI: We haven't implemented our reforms fast enough! Our free health care system, GaddafiCare, doesn't really start kicking in until 2014. And some people expressed concern about that, may they rest in peace.

SAADI GADDAFI: Christiane, I love what you've done with your hair! And are you wearing that new 24-hour makeup from Estee Lauder?


AMANPOUR: Now, in an unusual turn of events, we're going to switch to our sister network -- NBC -- and it's news show Meet the Press, where David Gregory is standing by.

GREGORY: Thanks, Christiane. We're here with Wisconsin Governor Scott Walker who stands at the center of a storm that pits him against the powerful public sector unions. Governor, why aren't you giving in on collective bargaining since they've generously agreed to chip in to their retirement and health care plans?

WALKER: David, is it okay if I call you schmuck? Okay, schmuck, we have a $3.6 billion deficit and I've resolved not to kick the can down the road, got it? Even today, the unions are rushing to school boards trying to jam through contracts that have zero contributions to their health care and pension plans. And at least in one school system, they're pushing through salary increases as well.

GREGORY: But Governor, the unions have agreed to those contributions, why not accept that? Or are you just a right-wing teabagger like our sister networks, ABC, CBS and MSNBC insist?

WALKER: Schmuck, the two statewide union leaders who made the offer don't have anything to do with the 1,000-plus municipalities, 424 school districts and 72 counties. We're trying to protect all of the taxpayers at every level of government -- and a state union leader can't do that. The unions do things like try to force school districts to buy expensive insurance through their own company -- WEA Trust -- which costs $70 million more than if they bought it on the open market.

GREGORY: Dammit, man, what’s wrong with collective bargaining? For the love of God, why are you trying to destroy the working man in this country (sobbing)??

WALKER: Uhm, schmuck, let me guess: you weren't a math major. I spent eight years as a local official trying to get modest changes to pension and health care through. And because of collective bargaining, unions were able to refuse time and time again, daring me to lay off 400 or 500 people. And in this kind of economy, how can any official do that? How can part-time officials in tiny districts negotiate? We have to destroy collective bargaining for these benefits, because the fiscal time-bomb is ticking.

In fact, if Senate Democrats don't return, we're going to be forced to make thousands of layoffs in a terrible economy.

GREGORY: You got punk'd by a prank caller, which was rilly, rilly funny, and you said that you wanted to emulate Ronald Reagan and his dismissal of the striking air traffic controllers. What is up with that, dude?

WALKER: Is it okay if I call you dumbass now? Anyhow, dumbass, we've kicked the can down the road year after year after year. We can't do it any more, Einstein. We're broke. We have to stand up and confront the problem. Got it, genius?

GREGORY: But... but... what about collective bargaining? Why are you trying to emasculate the unions? Whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy?

WALKER: Dumbass, didn't I answer that question, like, ten minutes ago? Collective bargaining has a cost, which your tiny pea-brain can't seem to comprehend, and the local governments need help in negotiating. Got it, this time, Sparky?

GREGORY: Are you needlessly dividing your state?

WALKER: Are you marketing Democrat-Union propaganda?

GREGORY: You can't answer a question with a question! What the hell!

WALKER: Okay, dumbass: those 14 state senators need to come back and do what they were elected to do. To do their job.

GREGORY: And if they don’t–if they don’t, Governor, how does this end? What's your prediction for the outcome?

WALKER: My prediction?

GREGORY: Yes, your prediction.

[Walker looks directly into camera]


[End Transcript]


Randy-g said...


West to the West Wing 2012 said...

The Situation's been getting to me lately -- I needed some good hearty belly-laughs!

Ashan said...