Saturday, August 25, 2012

Exclusive: Full Secret Agenda of the Democrat National Convention!

Cub Reporter Biff Spackle scoops the world with the tippity-top secret agenda for the DNC.

2012 Democrat National Convention
Schedule of Events

 7:00 pm OPENING FLAG BURNING
 7:15 pm PLEDGE OF ALLEGIANCE TO THE UNITED NATIONS
 7:20 pm Max Baucus PROPOSES A TOAST TO Barack Obama
 7:25 pm OPENING PRAYER - Reverend Jeremiah Wright
 7:45 pm CEREMONIAL TREE HUGGING - Darryl Hannah
 7:55 pm Max Baucus PROPOSES A TOAST TO Darryl Hannah
 8:00 pm GLOBAL WARMING OMFG!!!!!!!!! - Al Gore
 8:30 pm WHY FOURTH TRIMESTER ABORTIONS MATTER - Barbara Boxer
 8:55 pm Max Baucus PROPOSES A TOAST TO Barbara Boxer
 9:00 pm CHARGING OUR TROOPS WITH WAR CRIMES - John Kerry
 9:30 pm MEMORIAL SERVICE FOR SADDAM HUSSEIN AND MUAMMAR GADDAFI - Cindy Sheehan and Susan Sarandon
 9:55 pm INCOHERENT RAMBLING ABOUT COWBOY POETRY, ETC. - Harry Reid
10:00 pm Max Baucus PROPOSES A TOAST TO Susan Sarandon
10:05 pm COLLECTION DRIVE FOR THE OSAMA BIN LADEN MEMORIAL FUND - Cher
10:30 pm FREE THE FREEDOM FIGHTERS FROM GUANTANAMO BAY - Sean Penn
11:00 pm OVAL OFFICE AFFAIRS - William Jefferson Clinton
11:45 pm Max Baucus PROPOSES A TOAST TO Susan Sarandon's Rack
11:50 pm A PLEA FOR MASS PARDONS OF THE OCCUPY WALL STREET RAPISTS - Howard Dean
12:15 am FREE THE MINUTEMEN IN AFGHANISTAN'S PRISONS - Michael Moore
12:25 am Max Baucus PROPOSES A TOAST TO Jessica Alba
12:30 am SATELLITE ADDRESS - Mahmoud Ahmadinejad
12:45 am NOMINATION OF BARACK HUSSEIN OBAMA - Nancy Pelosi
12:55 am Barack Obama ACCEPTS NOMINATION, GRAMMY, AND TONY AWARDS
1:15 am THE TRUE STORY: HOW I KILLED BIN LADEN - Barack Obama
1:25 am Max Baucus SINGS NATIONAL ANTHEM
1:30 am CORONATION OF BARACK HUSSEIN OBAMA
1:55 am Max Baucus PROPOSES A TOAST TO Mitt McRyan
2:00 am Bill Clinton asks Max Baucus to drive Hillary home.


Hat tips: Black Quill & Ink and 2008 Agenda for Democrat National Convention.

11 comments:

tucsondon said...

Way funny. Thanks, that was great!

srhcb said...

The Minnesota delegation proposes a minute of raucous cheering in memory of Paul Wellstone.

Anonymous said...

You forgot the tribute to MSNBC for dutifully regergitating the Chicago talking points.

Anonymous said...

Biff, you crack me up!

Billll said...

Not going to happen. The notion that any of those windbags might be limited to less than 1 hour behind a mike defies credibility.

Sara Noble said...

Sad thing is - it's not that unrealistic lol

I'm going to post part of it and link it, it's funny.

Sara

denbeste said...

Shouldn't there be a tribute to Bradley Manning in there somewhere?

Johnny Griswold said...

Bravo.

skinnydipinacid said...

This can't be accurate... there's not nearly enough pro-abortion speeches on this agenda.

JSP said...

dudez we can call it the Democratic National Convention and not the Democrat one, it's capitalized so we know there's leftwingery involved.

/buzzkillington (i did lol particularly at the Boxer one though. yaaaay what a superduper ma'am our state has as senator)

Anonymous said...

11:45 PM. I'm there.