Hey, but if you drive one of these, I'm sure you're the exception...
10. Toyota Prius
They should have called it the Toyota Sanctimonius. That sidelong glare you get when you pass one? It means you're driving too fast. Wasting precious gasoline. Defiling Gaia. Reveling in your carbon footprint. You, my friend, are the enemy of mankind. And all Prius drivers.
9. 1990's-Vintage Modified Honda Civic
Yes, this is the infamous "Ricer", equipped with fart pipe, sub-$250 body kit, partially-finished paint job and Formula One-style spoiler. It must, of course, be lowered sufficiently to scrape the pavement like a spatula. And its driver must try to race every single car on the road, including pickups towing cabin cruisers, ice cream trucks, and Soccer Moms in their Caravans.
8. Mercedes C-Class
Dude, it's a C-Class. The entry-level Mercedes. It's the Sentra of Mercedes. I know, you think everyone is jealous of you. Here's a helpful hint: they're not. In fact, all Mercedes owners look down on you for driving the brand's Corolla. And drivers of other makes just kinda feel sorry for you, because. Well, you're. Trying. Too. Hard.
7. Buick LeSabre
You're stuck behind a car that is signaling right, but won't move. You're following a car going 20 in a 35. You're shouting at the car in front of you, which refuses to turn right on red, despite the fact that there isn't another car in sight. You are behind a 2004 Buick LeSabre driven by a person old enough to have known Ulysses S. Grant.
6. BMW 3-class
It would seem that every single, self-absorbed, 20-something male college graduate with a steady job feels like the world owes him a BMW 3-series. And, with said purchase comes the requisite disregard for traffic signals, lane-changing courtesies, and any semblance of manners. Should you pass one, even accidentally, you will find yourself the subject of a street race that will often end up with the BMW screeching ahead of you, only to narrowly avoid rear-ending a panel truck at the next red light.
5. Range Rover
We know, lady: you've got to get Tyler and Madison to lacrosse practice and you've got a pressing nail appointment. But, please, could you stay the hell off the phone while you weave from side to side?
4. Subaru Outback
Hey, hippie: it's not the sixties. You're not driving an air-cooled VW. You're allowed to go over 20 miles-an-hour. Even with all of the stupid bumper stickers weighing you down. Promise. We know: you love the environment and you value safety -- but you can't afford a Volvo. Hey, we get it. Believe me, we get it.
3. Chevy Volt
If driving a $45,000 coal-powered car that has a tendency to catch on fire is considered sexy and environmentally conscious, count me in!
2. Mini Cooper
Hey kid, I know it's made by BMW, but it's not really a BMW. Really. And you're not in The Italian Job. Really. You're in an overpriced s***-box modeled loosely after one of the worst cars of all time.
1. Any vehicle with an Obama bumpersticker on it.
No matter how evil a glare you throw at one of these drones, they keep their gaze fixed straight into the distance. Leaning forward, as it were. It's almost as if they're mesmerized by the visions of a Utopian society, that which never was and never could be. It's true; they're exceedingly stupid. They believe in the mirage of Statism; the bill of goods sold to them by the Charlatan-In-Chief that translates not to a Utopia, but to a Dystopian nightmare, the endgame for all collectivist societies. In a sane society, these people would be required to read Ameritopia before receiving a driver's license.