Saturday, August 23, 2014

MY ENTRY SUBMITTED FOR YOUR APPROVAL: The Spectator's Running a Contest for the Best Fake Health Advice Column

The Spectator is running a contest: "Your next challenge is to submit an imaginary feature from a newspaper’s health pages extolling the benefits to well-being of something traditionally thought to be bad for you."

Debunking 3 Persistent Nutritional Myths

The last few decades have seen tremendous advances in our understanding of human nutrition. Despite these breakthroughs, several myths regarding nutrition persist, probably as "Old wives' tales" or due to the prevalence of disreputable Internet sites.

Here are three of the most pernicious myths along with the the science that debunks these falsehoods:

I hear that I should cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables

MYTH! This common fable is easily debunked using simple logic. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. What are these? Vegetables. Therefore steak is nothing more than a highly efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to the digestive system. An excellent substitute for grain is chicken; beef is also considered an excellent source of leafy green vegetables due to cows' tendency to eat grass. A modestly-sized pork chop, say 24 ounces, also provides 100% of the recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.

People say that I should reduce my alcohol intake

MYTH! Wine is made from a very healthy fruit called the grape. Brandy is distilled wine, which means that water is removed from the fruity portions of the beverage and is even more beneficial to the human body. Remember that beer is made from grain and is therefore an excellent substitute for chicken.

Aren't fried foods bad for you?

MYTH! Fried foods are cooked in vegetable oil, effectively "baking in" many of the health benefits of common vegetables.

In next week's column, we'll address 3 of the most nefarious myths regarding exercise.



Chicken fried steak with a bottle of red wine and a beer chaser: that's what I call a "winner winner chicken dinner!"

andy5759 said...

Beer is bread. I only eat vegetarians, just the occasional carnivore or omnivore. FIVE A DAY. Fuck me, did you know this was invented by the ad agency representing the Australian Fruit & Veg Growers Association? They got some sad git of an actor not good enough for early episodes of Neighbours to put on a white coat and do some fucking pitch for greens. Cun*, I hope he's happy.

Anonymous said...

Something is suspecious about this endeavor as Harry Reid would say:

directorblue said...

@Anon 6:40 - true, first featured here in 2009.