BREAKING, EXCLUSIVE: Nationwide issues first public statement regarding "dead child" ad

Nationwide Insurance has come under withering criticism for airing a Superbowl commercial that culminated in the death of a child.

The ad features a boy complaining that he won’t ever be able to ride a bike, fly, or get married, because, "I couldn’t grow up, because I died from an accident."

Media critic Don Kaplan called the ad "horrifying" and the "most depressing Super Bowl commercial of all time."

To its credit, the insurance company did not shy away from the publicity, issuing a statement that our summer intern -- Biff Spackle -- was able to secure before its public release.

Injuries around the home are the leading cause of childhood deaths in America. Many of these accidents are avoidable, such as preventing children under the age of six from using chainsaws, teaching the safe use of lawn darts, and allowing kids to play with Roman Candles only under the supervision of an older child.

Parents would be wise to prevent children from playing with hydrochloric acid, bathing while using an Xbox, or ingesting Chicken McNuggets.

Nationwide ran an ad during the Super Bowl that started a fierce conversation. The sole purpose of this message was to start a conversation, not sell insurance --- as far as you know.

We knew the ad would spur fear, revulsion, anxiety, panic and hatred of our brand. That was our intent. In fact, thousands of people visited NoMoreDangerousToys.com, a new website that teaches parents which toys to avoid.

It's clear from our research that parents do not know that children should avoid ingesting lead, asbestos, coal, weasel juice, and methamphetamine.

Chalk it up to the poor state of public education.

Oh, and not that this was the point of the ad, but if you happened to request a quote for disability or life insurance, we wouldn't be offended.

Thank you, Nationwide. Nothing spices up a Superbowl party like a dead child.

And, as our own form of public service announcement, please visit "The 10 Most Dangerous Toys of All Time".