Monday, April 19, 2010

'Sir, Mr. Soros is on the line'

Somewhere, in a luxurious chalet near Geneva, Switzerland, billionaire George Soros hits the speed-dial function on his mobile phone and slowly lifts it to his ear.

What's the latest on the health care bill? Are the Rethuglicans going to repeal it?

No possible way. I'll veto anything they throw at me. And we've renamed ACORN so the registration and absentee ballot efforts can continue.

What do the polls say?

They'll come around. Give me a little more time.

Got it. Now: how much will it really add to the deficit?

I promised that it would actually save money! And Pinchy picked it up, of course, and the rest of the media saluted. But the black book analysis says it'll add three trillion in deficits over the next ten years.

So the total comes to -- ?

Hold on. Have another call.

Be quick, I'm in the middle of a hand.


Hi, Mr. Soetero, I'm calling about the unpaid bill from Columbia University.

This isn't Mr. Soetero, you've got the wrong number.

But this is the number we have on file. Is this Barry Soetero?

Dammit, stop calling me!

Sorry about that. The total should come to -- carry the one -- $23 trillion in the next ten years.

Excellent. You've done good work, Barry, very good work. Check your Swiss account for the latest balance. I think you'll be pleased.

Thanks -- gotta go. We'll talk on Sunday.



Yes, George.

That $150 million I spent on and the SEIU was the best investment I ever made.

I've made a cool $12 billion betting against the dollar.

George, did anyone ever tell you that you're starting to look more like Auric Goldfinger every day?


No comments: