Using actuarial calculations from the Teachers' Retirement System (TRS), Champion News reports that the total estimated pension liability for the top 100 retirees will equal...
Make sure you're sitting down.
You read this right. The top 100 retirees, by themselves, will cost Illinois taxpayers nearly one billion dollars.
I can think of only one possible, rational reaction.
Beleaguered Taxpayer #1: We must do something. He's serious this
Beleaguered Taxpayers: -He's right.
-You're right. We got to do something.
-Know what we gotta do?
Beleaguered Taxpayer #2: Toga party.
Beleaguered Taxpayer #1: We're tens of billions in debt! We can't afford to have a toga party.
Beleaguered Taxpayer #2: You guys up for a toga party?
Beleaguered Taxpayer #3: -Toga! Toga!
Beleaguered Taxpayer #2: -They like the idea.
Beleaguered Taxpayer #1: Please don't do this.
Beleaguered Taxpayer #3: I've got news for you, pal. The SEIU is going to screw us, no matter what we do.
Beleaguered Taxpayer #2: So we might as well have a good time.
Beleaguered Taxpayers: Toga! Toga! Toga!
(Chanting louder and louder)