Newly updated and bumped! See below --- and try to contain your excitement!
Inspired by the brilliance of iOwnTheWorld's recent chapter entitled "The 'Obamazation' Of Our Presidential Heroes":
I created my own version:
The rest are here.
Add your own suggestions in the comments -- perhaps we'll create a whole series of collectible cards!
Update: Paul sends us this important addition to the collection:
Update II: It's on! iOwnTheWorld is mocking our fine readers here, threatening to open up a can of whoop-ass on us with new and improved quotes. C'mon, people!
Update III: Call Me Lennie gives us the idea:
Update IV: Simply Amazed with the brain-cramp:
Update V: Paul adds this instant classic:
Update VI: Bubba travels into the future:
Update VII: Paul may have our grand-prize winner:
Update VIII: Anon illustrates Lincoln and McClellan discussing the fallout of the first Battle of Bull Run.
Linked by: Curmudgeonly & Skeptical. Thanks!
If Eisenhower had just nuked the Viet Minh at Dien Bien Phu as the French requested, I wouldn't have to be dealing with Indochina
If only my predecessor had kept his promise to make the "world safe for democracy" by eliminating Hitler in 1922! But noooo, he had go and bring the troops home before the mission was complete, and now we're all up shites creek and you can thank Mr. Woodrow Wilson for that! ~ FDR
Why limit this to inaugurations? Here's FDR in his Pearl Harbor speech ....
..Perhaps if Franklin Pierce hadn't upset Japan's delicate harmony by sending Commodore Perry and his flotilla of warships to "open" Japan, we wouldn't be in the situation we're in today
If my mother would have aborted me, the USA would have a real president right now! – Barack Obama
If it wasn’t for everyone remembering me for my huge moustache, people might have remembered me for my many accomp….. Oh well. It is a pretty big moustache. Chester A. Arthur
April 15, 1912
President Taft issues a moratorium on ALL ships sailing to and from America and all ship manufacturing cease after the Titanic disaster.
In a statement by President Taft he blames the previous administration for "no routing regulation" and also stated, "Global cooling is also partially to blame".
Anonymous merle said hah : I did not have sex with that woman ,she was just standing in the wrong spot at the wrong time,big willie the squirt machine
Anonymous merle said , From my cold dead hands, Charles Heston may still have one in his hands ,may god rest his soul!
If McKinley had taken a stronger stance, we wouldn't be discussing the Bay of Pigs.
Pres. J.F. Kennedy
Abraham Lincoln's Second inaugural Address
Are you as sick as I am of this war? Maybe if Meade had PURSUED Lee to the Potomac after the Battle of Gettysburg this war would be over. You know what I'm saying, "Just end the damn war."
Excellent tweak of my original comment about FDR, Mr Ross.
Lennie (the anonymous Lennie)
To secret service: " They WHAT!?"
To Kids: " Kids, that gonna be the last book I have time for today. Apparantly that Lewinsky woman convinced ol Billy boy to call back the CIA before the job was done in Afghanistan"
Had Robespierre done something about that efette shoe designer, we wouldn't be in this mess...
Napoleon Bonaparte at Waterloo
Well Todd, I realize your friends are being crowded out and there's more fishing crews in Alaska than there were residents 2 yrs. ago. But what did you think was going to happen to the Gulf fishing industry when the last administration kept the cleanup effort on hold for two months after the oil spill. Think of it this way. If he hadn't tried to collapse the entire country into socialism in his first term, the American people might still be too complacent to send me up here to clean up Washington like I did Alaska!
Hey, it these homebuilders in Waco wouldn't build these houses like tinder boxes...
If Eisenhower hadn't made motorcades a presidential custom, I'd have been a two term president.
Hey, what can I tell you?
If these Waco homebuilders wouldn't use dry balsa wood...
Sure Brady took one in the head, but if he wasn't so fat and slow I wouldn't have gotten one in the ribs -
Jonas Salk? That lazy procrastinating Bastid! I could have ended WWII, instead of wheeling around in a puddle of my own urine.
If my predecessor hadn't been the biggest presidential buffoon in US history, I would only be ONE of the greatest Presidents of the 20th century.
Doug,"# 12? Are you kidding me? That Prick Fur Hat stole half my votes. I shoulda been at least #4!"
"Hey I was in here trying to revive his little albino a$$, His plastic surgeon and whitening clinic gave him all those prescriptions"
Harry "the buck passes thru here" Truman on Korea
Ya know, if Mac Arthur's troops hadn't gotten so fat and lazy during occupation duty, they might not have disgraced themselves in combat and I wouldn't have to deal with this mess
Anomymous (and lazy) Lennie
Ahmadinajhad," What do you mean they killed 9 of my pawns? Barack told me he would make sure they caved and let them pass."
There's a reason why my predecessor was named after a vacuum cleaner. He sucked! -FDR
"What do you mean He's risen Judas? You told me He was dead and in the tomb. Summon Caiphas and Pilate to my cell right now!"
If that Communist FDR hadn't kicked the bucket before his THIRD term ended, I wouldn't have had Joe McCarthy blowing smoke up Congress's ass looking for Commies under every bed in Hollywood!
Bush 41," Well. It's hard to get any respect no matter how hard you try, when you have to follow an act like Ron."
"Dammit Walter, I tried to create a legacy for us. But that daggum cowboy was a worldwide star. Those dang camel jockeys held our people til He was in , just so they could get his dang autograph on that paper!"
If JFK hadn't used the mob to steal the 1960 election, I'd have been the martyr and who knows, Marilyn might have sung Happy Birthday to me!
The day that first caveman rubbed 2 sticks together, releasing that horrible man-made carbon, is the darkest day in human history -
Get the hostages released? Are you kidding? Maybe when my malaise clears up.
Robert E Lee after Pickett's charge
Perhaps if General Pickett had shown a little more faith in my plan, his men wouldn't have been affected with his defeatism and the results would have been different
If the folks hadn't pissed off God, I could be chillin in paradise. Now i got this murder rap hanging over me.
Anonymous Merle Said : Four score and seven years ago ,Abe Lincoln (great). 2010 : Four whores and seven pork barrels ago ,Parts of the Congress & Senate !
Had I said let them to eat snails, my head wouldn't be rolling around in a basket.
Please try to understand that I just wanted all of us to get along. I mean, I was just trying to do that boy a favor. After all, he told me he want me to eat him! He told me he wanted me to make him feel like he'd died and gone to heaven!
If this blog were say 25% snark free, maybe we could have more excellent threads such as this.
Other Obamanisms in FDR's Pearl Pearl address (from anonymous Lennie)
.. Nine days ago, December 7, 1941 a date which will live in my recollection as a very stressful one indeed, a man caused disaster occurred at our Army base on the island of Guam
There are those who maintain that our only conceivable response is an all out genocidal attack on the Japanese home islands. Meanwhile others say that the damage to our fleet is so severe our only course of action is to unconditionally surrender. I reject both positions
At my direction, the FBI is conducting a full investigation. We don't know all the answers yet and I would caution against jumping to the conclusion that Japan is at fault
I ask the Congress declare that despite the events of Dec 7 1941 that, as a sign of my good faith, a state of military standown be enacted so that I may enter into bilateral talks without preconditions with the Emperor of Japan
If that guy before me had been more concerned with capturing terrorists than captivating interns, Bin Laden wouldn't have been around to guide the 9/11 attacks. GWB
ScratchNSniff says - General Washington - On second thought boys, let's not cross this river today. It's really, really cold out and the boys back in philly didn't send us enough warm clothes.
General Custer speaking
"Men, I've decided to give ourselves up and work for peace. We'll control the narrative and these Indi...um...Native-Americans won't feel so alienated then. After all those guys in Washington have been really mean, laughing at their Redness, again. So, what-a-ya-think?"
If President Andrew Jackson had built that dang border fence Jim Bowie and I just might have had a fightin' chance.
by ScratchNSniff -
Sir Wintston Churchill speaking:
"Never, never, never give up. Unless they call you a racist."
By ScratchNSniff -
Nathan Hale speaking:
"I regret that I only have one life to give for my country, because if I knew where the rest of those guys were, I'd snitch them out for sure because that rat Franklin was checking out my wife in her new corset"
"Give me Liberty, or give me death....wait, on second thought Washington promised me a sweet country villa and hey you Limey bastards I'm willing to deal now. Just tell ole Kingy boy to hook me up with a place, oh say Mount Vernon and I'm all his."
Patrick Breen and The Donner Party
This whole Manifest Destiny thing was a great idea. Thanks a lot President Polk.
"Wilbur Wright here, Orville told me to drop this whole flying nonsense and stick to making bicycles. So I died a nameless nobody because my brother was afraid of heights."
Anonymous Merle said :I can fart in my big bed now Mo-Better,I can be anti-green all I want ,I AM THE LONG LEGGED GREEN MACK DADDY,thanks I am rich Al THE LONG LEGGED GREEN MACK DADDY-come to pappa
Anonymous Lennie said
Post Obamanist Winston Churchill after Fall of france
Let us therefore wallow in arrogant, self indulgent preening and finger pointing and so undermine ourselves with moral relativism that if the German Reich and its fascist allies were to last a thousand years, enslaved men would still say, "THIS was their most contemptible hour."
Thomas Paine here, my friend Benjamin Rush said he didn't like the name of my pamplet. So forget it.
If Buicks were boats I would be President
Oh No, I wanted to stay at home and spend a quiet evening in thought, but Mary wanted to see this stupid show. There I was watching this boring show when...OW..what a splitting headache!
PS That Obama Joker ain't nothing like good old honest Abe.
Chalupa said - Herbert Hoover - If you took over after eight years of a low taxing, deficit reducing, small government president you'd look like shiite too!
Chalupa says - Jimmy Carter "Hey, I never taped no one on the phone - hell, I can't even figure out my answering machine! And I'm not as graceful as Gerald Ford - my butt itches - give me a break!"
Chalupa says - Barry O - "Apparently there's alot of folks out there that aren't directing all of their anger at George Bush - and I don't like it!"
Chalupa says - George HW Bush - "Hey, how would you like to follow eight years of Reagan? I had my moments - read my hips!"
Qjxtlmet "WTF, This calendar ends on December 21, 2012"?
XzQteral "Dude, some ladies came over and it was totally apocalyptic. We had drinks, I ran out of stone. It's fine we've got hundreds of years to fix it"
Qjxtlmet "Hey, look at those ships on the ocean..."
Chalupa says - Nixon - "I tried really hard to relate to our youth - you never saw Lyndon Johnson on Laugh In, did you?"
Chalupa says - Lyndon Johnson - "There will be no sex scandals with my administration - damn pretty boy."
Future head of the International Cartography Alliance speaking,
"Due to the gross negligence and purposful inaction, of several people namely inmate Obama, following the greatest ecological catastrophe known to man we are today renaming The Gulf of Mexico to The Gulf of Texaco."
"If someone hadn't gone and gotten himself assassinated, you wouldn't be calling this Johnson's War!" - LBJ
If the Supreme Allied Commander had attacked and destroyed the Soviets like Patton told him to we wouldn't have a missile gap today.
Lincoln and McClellan discuss the fallout of the first Bull Run.
I was the anomymous dude who offered up "just end the damn war" I didn't realize that my name was missing until I posted
Now, if I knew the Presidents playing poker pic was in play, I'd have given you Lincoln saying
... And then .. are you ready for this .. he tells his staff "Just plug the DAMN HOLE!"
J Bruce Ismay to Edward Smith, captain of the Titanic
"Just plug the damn hole"
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